A Day In The Life of Heero Yuy
by Anubis-Shinigami
Summary: [COMPLETED] Sure you've seen the Gundam Pilots in action - but what are they like at home? When they're on a school-based mission? Hilarity and drunkness ensues. SAVE THE SPINACH PUDDING! Why is Duo such a moron? Can we really blame Wufei?
1. Hellish Morning

Author's Note: This is my first fanfic I posted on Fanfiction.net so please don't be too harsh! Thank you!  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Gundam Wing - stocks included. This story was made up by ME and only ME and if anyone wants to take it - Omeo Kuruso. Enjoy the story! ^_^  
  
Chapter 1: The Morning  
  
Even rolling over with a pillow over my head didn't help keep the tormenting sound from stopping. My first thought was to kill that annoying baka when I was more awake, but my next thought was to search for my favorite "toy". Groggily, I rummaged through my sheets, which were pretty messed up by now. After a while I finally found my gun and shot at the damnable machine.  
  
As usual, my aim was perfect and the hellish clock was no more. It's a shame I had never thought of shooting it before. I had tried everything, from smashing it against a wall to throwing it into the pool, but the damn thing seemed indestructible. Apparently, the only way to shut it up was to actually get up and press a button. Of course, even though I'm a Gundam pilot, getting up in the mornings is always a challenge for me. I rolled over and looked at one of the scraps which used to be my alarm clock. Figures - the damn thing was made of 'Gundanium' no wonder I couldn't do anything to it.  
  
Unfortunately the clock couldn't be set at any other time than six a.m. (and guess who arranged that), which is an hour earlier than I ever woke up for school. I rolled over and starting to doze off in the warmth of my sheets again.  
  
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A damnable sound soon filled the air. At first I thought it was a nightmare, but the sound only got louder, so I turned to the left side of my bed to hear from where it was coming from. It was unmistakable. That ungodly sound could only be Duo's pathetic singing. I couldn't believe it, first the clock he gave me ruins my sleeping then he starts to sing - and just for the record it's seven in the morning and I have to go to school again!! I started to swear absent-mindedly again as I wormed my way toward the end of the bed since I couldn't be bothered to get up. And "Shit!!" was my only reaction as I accidentally tumbled off of the bed and hit my head on the wall. Not even bothering to get up I crawled to my bathroom, unfortunately I had to get up since the handle of the door was above my head.  
  
I found my toothbrush and some other random things I usually took in the shower with me. After I was wearing my birthday suit, I got into the shower and turned the water on to the hottest possible temperature, hoping to get a decent wash. I screeched and then said my infamous phrase "Omeo Kuruso, baka!!!!" (of course, the only 'baka' I could be talking about was Duo, who happened to have used all of the hot water and then left the freezing water for me to shower in.) I heard a maniacal laughter from the braided baka followed by a hair dryer turning on.  
  
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After my so-called 'shower', I got out shivering from head to toe as I wrapped three towels around myself to keep warm. Cursing, I realized my warm bunny slippers were not to be found, (which I actually wear - though I'll be damned if I ever tell any one.) I got out of the cold bathroom to the even colder room - which I inhabited.  
  
I made my way to the closet and I uttered a very loud, "Fuck!!" as I realized all of my school clothes were at the cleaners (no thanks to Quatre) and the only clothes I actually had were the tight spandex shorts and tank top I usually wore to missions. Grumbling the whole time, I stormed out of my room (still in my towels) and marched into the room of the only gentleman of the house.  
  
I quietly snuck into his room, so as not to wake him up, and started opening the closet of my fellow pilot as I rummaged through neatly hanging and ironed clothes. I found what I needed, for in the corner was the perfect school uniform complete with the neatly polished shoes beneath it. I took the uniform, including the shoes and socks, and made my way out of the room of the pilot of Sandrock. Fortunately for me, Quatre didn't see me, in my guess all he saw was a blur. And since no one expected me to do something like this I presumed Duo would get blamed for this - which was fine by me.  
  
I went into my room and got dressed as fast as I could and then started admiring myself in the mirror - once in a while smoothing out the creases I saw or other what-not. Other than Duo, I was one of the first people up. Quatre got up third and Trowa would get up randomly. Wufei, of course, was last since he considered school a waste of time and his complaining about it was a daily thing to be heard in the morning. Feeling a little better, I strolled down the stairs with an air of dignity, which was soon to be shattered.  
  
The floor rushed up to greet me 'Good morning' me as I realized I had tripped over a thread, which was tied across the stairway towards the bottom. I could only take a wild guess as to the only ass, who would dare do such a thing.  
  
"Baka! If I had my gun with me I'd shoot you without even thinking!!" I shouted at him, but again the annoying laughter was heard as Duo was eating whatever it was he found in the kitchen. "Now, now, Let's not get violent.."  
  
Quatre said as stepped over the string and then helped me up. Quatre was about to untie the string when Wufei came tumbling down, followed by crashing into myself while cursing all the way. Trowa, of course, was wiser by avoiding the string completely by stepping over it and coolly walking towards the kitchen. Wufei was up at once with his sword. Unfortunately the only thing I saw were the little chibi-Duos, which were running in circles around my head. "Maxwell, you weakling!! I'm gonna kill you!!"  
  
The enraged Wufei screamed as he dashed after the braided baka, who happened to be on his fourth bowl of cereal. Quatre helped me up as I tried to clear my head of the annoying chibis. I finally got to my feet and was more or less stabilized. As soon as Quatre was certain that I was alright, he and I headed for the kitchen.  
  
Trowa was already drinking coffee, while Duo was being chased by Wufei, who was swinging his sword around like a madman. Quatre immediately set off for the task of making his much loved Arabian coffee. After searching through almost all of the cabinets in the kitchen, I realized Duo had eaten the last box of Cocoa Puffs. I waltzed out of the kitchen past Quatre, who was sitting down at the table and trying to make a decent conversation with Trowa, who wasn't saying much. I also passed a more or less calmed down Wufei who was sitting down and drinking Oolong tea while Duo was nowhere to be seen. I went out the door forgetting to even put on my coat - a decision I would soon regret.  
  
I walked past many people who were looking at me strangely since they were more or less wrapped in furs, coats, and pretty much bundled up. I traveled a few blocks, feeling the extent of the cold as well as truly tasting that winter had set in. I finally reached the local food shop where we the Gundam pilots usually did our food shopping.  
  
Yet again as I entered the store, I felt the stares of people on my back as I looked up and down the isles for my beloved Cocoa Puffs. After I had found them I took around four or five boxes thinking it would last me until tomorrow. I went up to the cashier and quickly paid for them as I once again started to trek through piles upon piles of snow which was on the sidewalks as well. I had to shove open the door since the ice practically cemented it in place. By the time I got inside everyone else was scattered here and there running around like headless chickens trying to find out where their stuff was and tidying up themselves for school. I walked to the fridge and realized the damnable moron had drunk the milk as well. I went over and fell into a chair and started eating the Cocoa Puffs right from the box.  
  
While I was eating Quatre came by and tried to have a decent conversation to cheer me up. He eventually got the point that I didn't want to be bothered and left me alone to finish my poor excuse for breakfast. The enormous grandfather clock chimed 8 a.m. - I had fifteen minutes before school would start.  
  
I got up and uttered a groan as I made my way up the stairs. I got to my room and grabbed my backpack and other crap I usually needed for school before heading out. Luckily for me no one ran me over, for each Gundam pilot had their own unique way of getting out of the house.  
  
Duo would usually jump over the banisters and end up before the front door, which he would run out of. Trowa just somersaulted from his window into the street. Wufei climbed down the tree next to his window. At times like this I wondered why we even bother to have a front door.  
  
I took one look at my watch and ran down the stairs as quickly as I could. I ran out the door and into the snow covered street. "Hey, Heero! Wait for me!" Quatre's voice yelled from behind. I stopped automatically to wait for him. I took him a while to get through the snow - he wasn't really accustomed to it. "Thanks! Let's walk to school together, I hate walking alone."  
  
I nodded my head and continued walking for I requested silence - my request was denied. From out of nowhere Duo rushed passed me on his skateboard and almost knocked me over. Before I had time to recover, Trowa whizzed past me on his roller-blades, leaving me twice as dizzy. Quatre and I walked about half of a block before Wufei decided to try to run us over with his motorcycle.  
  
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By the time we got to school I already felt tired and I wanted a nice long nap more than anything. I could tell Quatre fell the same because of how he was walking. It was then I felt a slight rumble of the floor.  
  
"What the.."  
  
Before I could ask and answer my own question, Duo shoved us as he ran. I wondered what the hell had gotten into him before I looked behind him. A stampede of girls were coming my way. I stared dumfounded as the ground beneath me started to move. Before I knew it, I was riding on top of the moving mound of girls.  
  
Luckily they served a purpose, for they were going into the same direction as my next class and locker. I swam my way to the outer edge of the mound before being slammed against a wall as they all ran past me. After my five- foot drop I ran to my locker, changed my books, and ran like hell to my next class.  
  
I made it by a fraction of a second, because as soon as I sat down the bell rang. "Right, settle down, class. The weekend is over, stop your chattering."  
  
I groaned as I sat in my seat, this was going to be extremely boring. While the teacher drowned on, I looked around the huge classroom. It was huge, yes, but it still wasn't much to look at. The board was the entire North wall and the teacher's desk was right in front of it. The students sat opposite of the board in rows in a sort of semi-circle. There were about 7 to 10 rows, one higher than the one below it and it looked more like half of a Gladiator's arena than anything else. The rows themselves were parted around three times with steps so that one could actually get to one's own row. The students sat at something that looked like one entire desk for the whole row- until it was separated by the stairs, of course. Each student had an individual moveable chair - though in some classes it was just one chair - like the pews in a church. We also had our own drawer under the desk where we put our books and what not.  
  
I finally turned my direction to the teacher and the words I heard were. "...well, then, class. Shall we have a quiz? I suppose we shall since I notice that some of you weren't really paying attention to me anyway."  
  
I mentally slapped myself - I hate quizzes and they were one of the hardest since the history teacher was one of the meanest ones around.  
  
I groaned as the quizzes were past forward. You would think a quiz is maybe a page or two - but noooooo. This quiz had to be ten pages long. That's right TEN FREAKIN' PAGES OF CRAP. I groaned again as I looked at the clock - we had only forty minutes to finish it in. Now I understand Wufei when he says school is a waste of time and it teaches nothing worthwhile..  
  
Ok that was Chapter 1 - please read and review and tell me what you think - should I continue? 


	2. The Nightmare Continues

Author's Note: Thank you for all those that review last time!! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter! The more reviews I get the faster I will update!!  
  
I would also like to apologize to all the people who reviewed last time – your reviews accidentally got deleted when I tried to replace chapter one with another chapter because the original had a mistake in it. Gomen ^_^ Please review again.  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Gundam Wing – stocks included. This story was made up by ME and only ME and if anyone wants to take it – Omeo Kuruso. Enjoy the story! ^_^  
  
Chapter 2: The Nightmare Continues  
  
I managed to finish nine pages before the bell rang at 8:45. I reckon I'll get a ninety or something – not that I care. I'm a Gundam Pilot, I can fucking blow this place up whenever I feel like it. I walk into the guy's bathroom to change. P.E. should be at least more interesting.  
  
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Surprise, surprise. All of us Gundam Pilots are in the same gym class. I wonder what's on the agenda today....  
  
"All right class, I want all of you to shut up and listen" That must be the new substitute teacher. He's certainly friendly....  
  
"Today I'm going to teach all of you wimps to fight. The first twenty-five minutes I'll let you fight one another fist to fist and then the last half of the class you can use swords. Your partners will be picked right now by me and assigned to you randomly." Who's he calling wimps? I'm a GUNDAM pilot!! I wonder who'll I'll be assigned to...  
  
"....Quatre you will fight Ino, Trowa you will fight Ra, Wufei you will fight Zen, Duo you will fight Kiro, Heero you will fight Seth...."  
  
Well, isn't this interesting, we were all assigned to the toughest punks in school. I can already see Maxwell grinning like hell. I think he's been waiting to beat up Kiro for a while – something about him trying to cut off Duo's braid in class or something. Wufei is already mumbling about the 'weakling' he has to fight and that he isn't worth his time. Trowa's just standing there smirking and Quatre has a worried expression on his face. Oh, yeah, I forgot. He doesn't like fighting – not that he's good at it anyway. He's average when he has a sword in his hand –but fist to fist combat? I don't think so. Honestly sometimes I wonder how he ever got to be a Gundam Pilot..... maybe money really can buy everything....  
  
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Great. That moron, Seth is grinning. Does he really think he can beat me? Ha, I'd like to see him try. He probably couldn't see because of all that "girly" aka "pretty-boy" hair in his face. The girls think he's pretty? When I'm through with him they're probably gonna scream with fright rather than shriek in excitement. (A/N: Think of Seth as the hottest boy in your school who always wants to be top-dog.)  
  
"Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Anti-social himself. I've been waiting a while to get an excuse to beat you up." I snort in disgust – this is gonna be the shortest fight I've ever won.  
  
"Alright here are the rules......"  
  
The teacher is announcing the rules – not that I'm listening. I'm too busy thinking of how to beat that guy's ugly mug into the pavement. Of course if I had my gun I could've killed him faster....  
  
"Ok, now that I've told you the rules you may start fighting as soon as both of you are ready." Finally, he took long enough to announce the boring rules – I'd probably break them anyway.  
  
"Are ya ready shorty?" He grins again – which makes him look even uglier and makes me want to punch him even more. Ok, I may not be as tall as Trowa but I'm only – what four inches shorter than Seth? I decide to do the fastest thing I could think of. I jump into the air and do a spin kick hitting him in the face – which knocked him over. Thinking that the fight's over, I put my hands in my pockets and start to walk away.  
  
"Is that it? That's all you can do, shorty?"  
  
I start to turn around – but before I do I feel my left arm being pulled out of its socket as I get slammed into the ground. He puts me on my front in some fancy wrestling position – and he's as heavy as hell, I'll tell you that. Luckily my right arm is still free, so I somehow turn around punch him in the jaw – probably breaking it. That move makes him relax his grip on me as he holds his jaw - I have another chance to escape. I use both my legs and kick him off me as I roll over and get up and hold my let arm. I instantly put it back in its socket and then do perfect kick and send him for a cold knock-out.  
  
I start to watch the techniques of the others as they knock out their opponents more graceful than I. Trowa did his famous triple-axle-spin (A/N: Is that what it's called??) in the air before hitting his opponent in the face and knocking him out instantly. He then did another flip and landed elegantly next to his fallen partner.  
  
Wufei smirked the whole time as he easily dodged his opponent's kicks and punches. He then grabbed the next punch his opponent tried to throw at him, pulled it back past his side and then used the palm of his hand to hit his opponent just below the jaw near the throat. Zen fell over and Wufei then threw him up into the air and did a spin kick hitting Zen in the chest. Zen fell over – another perfect K.O.  
  
The swiftest of all of us, (since he has a lot of practice running away from all of us and dodging our hits,) Duo starts dodging all of Kiro's hits. My guess is he's trying to make this fight last as long as he can so that he can savor the victory – and he's pretty good at it. Kiro and Duo start fighting and Duo backs up a good ten meters. That Baka (Duo) does his famous trademarked Shinigami-wide-smileeHe He trhfty4fgv41hbHeHeHe1be4fgb46eghb64dbngh54sh as he poses with his arms akimbo. After posing like an idiot – he actually does something. He runs like hell towards his opponent – Kiro then side-steps, catches Duo, throws him into the air, punches him in the stomach and body slams him into the ground. I think of two words – Baka and ouch. Duo sputters and then gets up – he's as mad as a nest full of hornets. In all my years I have seen weird fighting techniques – but this is RIDICULOUS! Duo bends his head and charges at Kiro at full speed like a Spanish bull – now what could have possessed him to do THAT – wait, I don't want to know what goes inside that Bakagami's head...Amazingly that idiot, Kiro, just stands there. Duo does a powerful head-butt that sends Kiro half-way across the gym and into – yes into the wall. Duo then poses again with a peace sign – I don't think I'll ever understand him.  
  
The coach's eyes widen as he announces to the rest of the class – "C-class that will be enough for today. You're dismissed." Lucky for Quatre – He didn't have to fight.  
  
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"(Think of a humongous complicated Latin phrase consisting of 30 words)" said the teacher, "Can anyone translate this Latin sentence?" The class is as silent as a tomb. Somewhere across the room I hear Duo yawn.  
  
"Duo Maxwell!! Go stand outside!" the teacher yelled, "I will not tolerate your attitude!" "Oki-dokie," Duo says as he happily stands up and starts to leave. Before Duo heads out the door he turns around and says, "If any of you ladies need me – you know where I'm at. Call me," he says as he winks at all the girls – who swoon and some even fall over.  
  
"MAWELL!! Out NOW!!" the teacher screeches. Ok think of a car screeching on the brakes and combine that with the scrapping of nails on a blackboard and the shrieking of a cat when you throw them in water – that is only half as horrible as when our Latin teacher shrieks. The teacher sighs and asks again if anyone knows how to translate the long sentence on the board. She then goes to her last resort, the best Latin student probably on the face of this planet –  
  
"Trowa, would you please come up here and translate this sentence for the rest of the class?" the teacher asks as Trowa mutely nods and starts on his way down the aisles.  
  
Trowa then starts to translate the sentence parsing each word allowed. (A/N: I had to do this in Latin II – boring and TIME consuming!!) Let's see – 9:40. Naptime. Since I didn't have enough sleep –no thanks to Duo- I'll just use this as my naptime. Luckily for me my, bangs are so long no one can tell if I'm sleeping or not...  
  
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"THIS is a WEAK cello!!!" Wufei screams as he holds up the object of his frustration for all the class to see.  
  
Unfortunetly, Wufei has absolutely NO talent when it comes to instruments. On the other hand, Trowa and Quatre are playing in sync with each other – some weird song called "White Relection." (A/N: White Reflection is actually a song – it's on the GW soundtrack.) Duo on the other hand – as much as I hate to admit it – is playing extremely well on his electric guitar. I am just sitting here and looking at all the instruments – I wonder how long it would take me to shoot them all to pieces with my gun? As I sit and think of my interesting thought –that teacher just had to interrupt!  
  
"Alright class, we have like a football game tonight at 7:30 and we need to practice playing so that we can support our team!!" Our teacher said as she did a little jump. Our teacher was obviously a cheerleader when she was younger – some one save me? She's far too perky – maybe she and Duo could hook up? GRRR!! Now look what I have sunk to?! I'm playing matchmaker!! This is WEAK!! OK now I sound like Wufei...oh brother...  
  
"Ok, now I'm gonna pair you up and you need to practice together, ok?" the teacher announced. "Kerie go with James, Zen go with Seth, Duo go with Heero –  
  
What the fuck?!! Oh please not Maxwell!!! I roll my eyes and my head rolls back against the chair. Before I can do anything, Maxwell is in my face.  
  
"Hey Heero-buddy!! We get to practice together!!" Duo smiles that stupid smile again.  
  
"O hell am I not special?" I retort.  
  
"You sure are!! Everybody wants to work with me!!" Duo said as he winked at some of the other girls nearby who sighed and blushed. Everyone wants to work with Duo – but me.  
  
"Ok, you can be drums, I'll be guitar!" Maxwell says. "Whatever." I answer. Maxwell runs over across the enormous hall to a set of drums, since he already has his guitar. I walk.  
  
"Come on Heero – move yourself faster!!" Maxwell yells at me.  
  
"I'm just so excited, I'm trying to calm myself down." I tell him sarcastically as I get to him.  
  
"That's the spirit!" he says as he hugs me. I hate being touched. I twist his arm as he yells "Owww!!" I let go after about ten seconds of pain for him.  
  
"Sheesh! Live a little will ya?" He says as he starts to tune his guitar after he fixes his twisted arm. I walk over to the drums and try them out  
  
After about ten minutes of tuning – we start to play. I hate to say this – but we really sounded good together – now all we need is a singer. Oh hell – what am I thinking? I desperately need to go on a mission...  
  
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"I can't believe this!! I actually studied and I still failed!!" Duo shouted as he slammed his head on the desk. All five of us are actually sitting together for this class. Wufei and me sit in front of Duo and Trowa while Quatre sits behind them.  
  
"I'm sure you didn't Duo – here, let me see." Quatre says as he takes Duo's math test from underneath his head that goes 'bonk' as it falls back onto the table again.  
  
"Oh sh- I mean – Duo you really did fail." Quatre corrected himself.  
  
"I know" Duo mumbled into the desk. Trowa leans over and sees Duo's grade and he starts to – laugh?!  
  
"Duo you are possibly the stupidest person I have every seen or met!!" Trowa chuckled, "Are you interested in joining the circus? We are currently looking for a new attraction to display. I think that 'the stupidest person in the universe' would make an excellent circus attraction. We could put you in a cage with a collar and – " Trowa was cut short by Duo, who picked up his math book and tried to hit Trowa over the head with it.  
  
"Why? How much did Maxwell get?" asked Wufei.  
  
"Umm a 10..." Quarter answered. Wufei started laughing and I chuckled.  
  
"Even I did better! I got a 76!" said Wufei.  
  
"I have a 100,"says Quatre.  
  
"95," I say.  
  
"99," Trowa says between laughs as he continues trying to run away from Duo and his heavy math book.  
  
"Class settle down!! You two at the back! Stop that horseplay!!!" the teacher yells. Duo and Trowa sit down – Duo 'bonks' his head on the desk, again.  
  
"Alright, onto chapter 123. Your homework tonight will be to take notes on chapters 123, 124, and 125 and do all of class exercises 1- 75 and the Geometry review of 1-12 for each chapter...."  
  
So what did you think? Frankly, I think this chapter was funny, but I still think I did better on the first one. ^_^ Press the review button – you know you want to... 


	3. From Food To Evil Peroxide

Author's Note: Thank you very much to all those that updated last time!! ^_^ You have made me very happy!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing...wait...*checking* nope I still don't. Note to self: Buy Gundam Wing stocks!!!  
  
Chapter 3: From Food To Evil Peroxide  
  
"Foooooooddd!!!!!" Duo shouted as soon as the bell rang.  
  
I was wiser this time as I stayed back and let Duo run before me – I'd get run over if I went in front of him. Gah – he makes me sick sometimes- no wait change that – all the time. I could actually hear him drooling behind me a few minutes before the bell rang. As soon as I get out in the hall way – a herd of students rush by me in one great wave as I try to weave in and out of the crowd in order to wait in the cafeteria.  
  
By the time I get there I'm probably the last one in that damnable long line – even though I got there at the same time as Duo, Wufei, and Trowa – I still remained last. (A/N: This happens to me ALL the time even though I run out of class with the same eagerness as Duo. () Duo "gracefully" stomped on people's heads and sort of "swam" his way on top of the crowd so that he could get to the front of the line. Trowa sort of somersaulted and ended up somewhere in the front, too – not that I could see squat. As for Wufei, he did a series of Chinese flips and ended up somewhere in the front as well. And here I am – the best Gundam pilot and I have to stand in line – what IS the world coming to???!!  
  
I finally managed to get my food – which was – I don't even know what this is. I finally found Quatre while I was getting my lunch – he was stuck between the wall and the endless hoard of students. Now as Quatre and me sit and eat lunch, that psycho is practically going to his vocal limits. By this time do I even need to mention who I could possibly call "psycho" – other than Seth that is.  
  
A few seconds later it was what I feared – a bowl of salmon and milk pudding came past my face on its way to hitting Kiro in the face. (A/N: Guess who threw it? Yup, none other than Duo himself.) Kiro got up, picked up what looked like green jelly and threw it at James' face. James got up and tried to throw his broccoli ice cream at Seth – but missed and hit Ino instead. This was the very beginning of the twentieth food fight we've had this month. I groaned as I realized I can no longer eat my –mush- in silence.  
  
Quatre immediately starts to act as "Mr. Pacifist of the Year." He gets up and starts saying "Now, now fighting is not right. We may not all be friends but I'm sure we can't really hate each other this much. Salmon and milk pudding might not be Spotted Dick, (A/N: This really is a dessert!! I'm not joking!! They eat it in England and they actually consider it a DELICACY!! I find the name hilarious!!!) but it is not as bad as to throw it around and hit each other in the visage..." Quatre was stopped right about here as he was hit in the face with salmon and milk pudding.  
  
I continued eating and looked around at all the amusing chaos. Wufei was currently in a verbal spar with Relena (I'm starting to get the feeling that she's stalking me...) Unfortunately, Wufei is not what you'd call a "lady's man" since he begins to call Relena "weakling woman." He abruptly gets slapped by Relena who then slams a bowl of mashed potatoes on his face. Duo meanwhile is standing on the table with his hands up and shouting "freedom!!" (A/N: Anybody else seen Braveheart??) Trowa is - on the ceiling beam???!!! He must've somersaulted up there to avoid getting hit. Too bad I can't somersault that high...  
  
Meanwhile, Quatre is trying to get that salmon-milk pudding off his starched and pressed white shirt – he's going to need a lot more than spot remover that's for sure. I look down at my mush – maybe I should throw it? No, I'm a Gundam Pilot, I will not stoop that low. Then again... Relena IS getting annoying...  
  
Before I change my mind I pick up my bowl of spicy banana meatballs and hurl them with all my force (so that it reaches Relena, who is on the other side of the room.) Perfect aim, as usual. It hits her square in the face. And I enjoy every second of it. She screams in horror and marches out of the room – her pride crushed. Do I feel bad? Hell no. Now if only I can find Duo...  
  
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"...the density is determined by the allotment of mass divided by volume. Of course..." The teacher keeps talking but nobody's listening. They're all too busy modifying their current models of the latest paper airplane. Even Wufei is making some kind of Chinese paper kite. I tried to make origami but all I ever learnt to make was the stupid crane.  
  
"...the mass of the space colonies is very important since it takes a lot of molecular energy to keep them up in space and if that energy should be gone and the density misdetermined –" Then we're all gonna die because the colonies would crash into Earth and Earth would blow up causing a chain reaction of the destruction of colonies – yeah, yeah I was taught this when I was five. Nothing new. Maybe I should use this class as my second sleep stealer?  
  
"Can some one tell what 'climate' is? And no that's not what you do to a mountain!!" The teacher tries to make a joke. Somewhere in the room another guy does an impression of a drum roll and a cymbal clang. (A/N: Think Jay Leno when he makes a joke.) I think I'll be put off on jokes for a while...  
  
"Air plane fight!!" Seth announces as he starts an air plane riot. Luckily Duo isn't in this class – he would have wanted to be the one that started this fight. I start to list through the pages of our textbook. No surprises – this book is practically loving Oz since it gives Oz most of the credit for everything – makes me want to blow it to bits or make Duo eat it.  
  
The teacher unsuccessfully tries to settle the class down while I continue to scan our next few assignments in the dull notebook that is owned by Oz...  
  
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"What has this dragon to do with English?!" the teacher demands of Wufei as she holds up Wufei's doodle of a Chinese dragon.  
  
"This dragon shows that this class is weak and that the strong don't need to take it since it is unneeded class" Wufei stated.  
  
"Well, Mr. Chang I did not know you could get all this from a picture – for your punishment, as well as the homework, you are to write a five page essay explaining why you need to learn English." The teacher answered back.  
  
"But the stro-" Wufei began but was cut off by the teacher.  
  
"Mr. Chang this subject has been closed for discussion. Now class – Maxwell are you passing notes again in my class?!" the teacher asked a innocent looking Duo who made the most angelic face you have ever seen.  
  
"Me?? Mr. Hasnolife, I would never ever do that in your class!! I was just – just working on my essays that is due this Friday!!" Uhuh yeah, right – that is probably the biggest lie I have ever heard.  
  
"Well in that case, Mr. Maxwell. Would you please read your essay to us? Or what you have so far?" The teacher said with a suspicious look at Maxwell. Surprised by the request, Duo stood up and went to the front of the class.  
  
"Well, AHEM. Here I go – Throughout the years, people have scrutinized the many mysteries of life. Scientists have been able to create their own theory, test it and reveal their results to the public eye. Thus I present to you my theory – If Chinese people eat Chinese food then they stay thin. But if AMERICAN people eat Chinese food, they will get fat. Likewise if Japanese people eat Japanese food they will be thin. But if Japanese people eat RUSSIAN food, they will get fat. So, in other words – "  
  
"In other words, Mr. Maxwell, you have not been paying attention in my class again and have come up with this pathetic, nonsense of an essay." The teacher cut in.  
  
"But Mrs. Hasnolife - "Duo tried to interject.  
  
"Mr. Maxwell go outside –I'm giving you another "F" for this class. No buts! GO! Now then class...." The teacher continued. Duo sighed and went out the door. I don't know for how long, since I wasn't paying attention, but the teacher called on me of all people.  
  
"Mr. Yuy would you please take this note of attendance and take it to the office? Thank you." I mutely got up from my seat, took the note and went outside.  
  
The next thing I heard was "bonk, clang, bonk, clang." I walked a few steps further and saw Duo banging his head repeatedly on his locker.  
  
"I hate to break it to you, Duo. But you can bang your head as much as you want – it's not going to 'bang' any sense into that empty head of yours."  
  
"Shut up, Heero. You're not helping!!" Duo snarled back.  
  
After I came back from my errand I once again passed Duo as he was attempting to take over the school – one locker at a time.  
  
"Stupid hag!! She has no respect for food!" Duo was mumbling to the locker. Inwardly I groaned. I sighed as I thought of what to do. I settled with walking by Duo and slamming his head against the locker as I continued to walk as if nothing happened.  
  
"OWWW!! Heeeero!! I know you did that!!!" I heard Duo yell behind me. Before he caught up with me, I decided to run to class – laughing inwardly all the way.  
  
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Of all the classes – I hate "Speech and Economics" the worst. All you learn is about Oz. Oz, Oz, Oz, Oz – I HATE Oz! Quatre had to make an impromptu speech and naturally, he got a perfect grade. His speech was about – surprise, surprise – pacifism. I, on the other hand, do not like making speeches, especially impromptu ones. So when I was called, I naturally glared laser beams into the teacher before scowling and walking to the front of the class behind the podium. I had no idea what to say. Then I just started saying what I really feel like about Oz...  
  
"There have been many totalitarian governments but so far there has been none as appalling as Oz. Oz is a specialized army which plans on taking over all the colonies and the Earth's governments and using them only for their benefits – not the people's. This is why they must use various kinds of propaganda and threats in order to frighten people into believing their utter bullshit and following their ways. They also hope to – "  
  
"That's enough!!! Heero Yuy, here is a slip for detention and immediately proceed to the office!!" I scowl again and glare – I was on a roll, what's her problem?! I coldly head on my way to the office. I get the damnable detention slip and head back to my economics class – to sit through another hour of utter bullshit and boredom. And as I walk to the office I hear "bang, bang, bang, clang, bang, bang, bang, clang..."  
  
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School is finally out and I decide to head home. I throw the detention slip into the trash. We're only going to be in this area for as long as we need to in order to finish our mission – then we leave. Quatre I staying after class to go to his violin lessons – not that he needs any. Wufei has already zoomed passed me on his motorcycle – probably to go home and practice more of his martial arts. Trowa is – God only knows where. As for Duo? He's probably still battling with his metal enemy, i.e. his locker.  
  
I walk down the streets and enjoy the cool, crisp air, the green trees, the calmness of the air - dammit, that kid is playing near my house again!!! I glare at the neighbor's kid as he grabs his soccer ball and scatters off somewhere at the speed of light. Mission Accomplished. I put my hand on the door knob and as I attempt to turn it – it opens as Duo almost runs me over. After glaring after Duo, I turn back to only be whacked with Wufei's extremely hard bamboo pole.  
  
In my dizziness I fall not-so-gracefully on my butt as Wufei jumps over me and runs after Duo like a madman screaming all the while, "MAXWELL, I'm going to KILL you!!!" The next thing I know, Quatre is at my side with an ENORMOUS first aid kit.  
  
"Ok Heero, I'm going to need you to hold still while I bandage you up!" Quatre cheerfully says. The minute I see him start to take out peroxide – I grab my bag and run like hell up the stairs to my room and lock the door. Peroxide and I don't have very good memories together. I shudder as I remember Dr. J spilling half the bottle onto my open leg wound. That was when I was six – and I still don't go near that stuff.  
  
"Heero! Those wounds won't heal by themselves!" I hear Quatre calling from below. I look at my arms and legs – mere scratches, I think I'll live. I throw my forty-pound backpack on my bed. I can hear Quatre trying to plead with me to come out. I go to the furthest corner of my room (feeling safer from the evil peroxide) and commence to do my homework...  
  
Thank you for reviewing this chapter. Thanks to FF.net's new rule about no dialogue I cannot thank you personally. 


	4. Mission Remote Control

Author's Note: Ummm – Chocolate M&M's anyone?? Oh, and this chapter may be a little more serious in some parts – hence the General/Humor type of story it is.  
  
Disclaimer: The following is my new version of a disclaimer:  
I don't GW so please don't sue!!  
I wrote this fanfic just for you!!  
  
Chapter 4: Mission Remote Control  
  
Unlike most people – I finish my homework in one hour. Actually, my computer does (my other computer - not my laptop). I input all my homework into the computer via my scanner and then my self-made program does the rest and prints it out for me - which is why I NEVER do any written work.  
  
Quatre has finally given up trying to put peroxide on my scratches and the house is quiet. Too quiet. My laptop bleeps – signaling another mission. I better get Wing Zero...  
  
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I quietly open the door and peek around the corner – the coast is clear; no evil peroxide. I quietly come out of my room and close the door behind me as I start to creep down the stairs. By now I know which ones creak and which ones are soundless. I think I hear someone doing the dishes in the kitchen – probably Quatre since he's the only one that stresses cleanness around this house. I grab my coat off the hook – learning from my earlier mistake. I quietly open the front door. I go out and close it – as soon as I do, the next thing I know, Duo crashes into me sending me backward into the snow.  
  
"Hey Heero! Look we'll talk later, ok? I'm kind of in a life-death situation here!!" Duo says as he jumps to his feet and practically flies though the front door. I get up and brush my self off before I start to head on my way again. I don't get very far. Wufei decides to run me over. He flips into the air and heads after Duo as if the hounds of Hell were upon him.  
  
I lie in the snow and crane my neck to make sure no one else decides to run me over. I decide the coast is clear, so I get up and start to brush all the snow off my new expensive coat – cursing the whole time. I realize that my Gundam is at least ten miles away. Damn. That's when I see Wufei's motorcycle...  
  
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He tried to run me over so I took his motorcycle for a joyride. Sounds fair to me. I remember Wufei telling us more than once that we were not to touch, look at or walk or breathe within five feet of his expensive Chinese imported motorcycle. Not that I care, he can probably import another one. Anyway, he'll probably blame Duo – it's good to use Duo as a scapegoat once in a while...  
  
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I finally get to the seashore. The whole trip took five minutes – not bad for a motorcycle. I leave the motorcycle near the beach in a random parking lot. I climb down the rocky shore. (A/N: This beach is one of those high, sharp, rocky ones – not the ones with the pearly white sparkly sand.) It takes me a while but I finally found my cave. The hole itself is about one meter by one meter – which forces me to crawl through the entrance. I put my sunglasses on that also function as my night-vision sunglasses.  
  
It takes me ten minutes but I finally manage to find a way to climb deeper into the cave. I remove a stone, crawl through the opening and end up where I need to be. Bingo. Wing Zero is just where I left it. I get up to Wing Zero and jump in its cockpit. I turn on Wing Zero and look over my mission. I need to get data from an Oz base located at the SW009 area in order to find what colony Oz is planning to attack so that we Gundam Pilots can plan our next move. (A/N: The Gundam Boys are in Stockholm, Sweden – I love that city! Does anyone else share my sentiments??.)  
  
I start up Wing Zero and wait as it goes underwater and then I pilot it through the opening under the water toward the bottom of the cave. In a few minutes I'm out in the open ocean. I decide to go underwater for a while before I head into the air since it will be easier for them not to spot me.  
  
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After I knocked out all the soldiers in the room, I work quickly to get the data on their top secret computer files copied to my disk. As soon as I get the data I leave as quickly as I came. I use the ventilation system to get to the roof – since I can hear the soldiers below me already begin to shuffle into the room I was jut in. The alarm is off again. I have to learn how to delay it longer.  
  
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I finally get onto the roof and from there I use the ladder to get to the bottom of the building and take a jeep for a little joyride. I ride into the forest, enter my Gundam and take off to the air. I can see the havoc I already caused – red alarms everywhere and the place sounds worse than a fire alarm at school. When I am in the air I have a disturbing thought – I am two minutes late for dinner. Which means when I get home there will be nothing left for me to eat...  
  
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I was right As soon as I get home and go to the kitchen – I see Quatre clearing all the dishes away.  
  
"Oh Heero, you're home! Unfortunately, you're a little late. The others already ate. Was your mission successful?" He asks. I nod my head.  
  
"Good! Would you like me to cook something for you?" Quatre asks.  
  
"No thanks, I think I'll scavenge some food for myself later. Where's everyone else?"  
  
"Well, Wufei quit chasing Duo hours ago and is training on the third floor. Duo is out bar-hopping. Trowa is watching TV an I'm going to go finish the rest of my homework." Quatre politely answered me. I nodded my thanks as he went back to clearing the dishes.  
  
I went and sat on the opposite couch to Trowa – so that we were both watching TV. I soon grew bored.  
  
"Change the channel, gymnastics are boring – I'd rather watch cars blowing up."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No!" Trowa told me as he glared at me.  
  
After about a minute, I quickly got out of my seat, took the remote and changed it to "2Fast, 2Furious." I could feel Trowa glaring at me.  
  
"Change it. There are too many cars blowing up." Trowa said.  
  
"Fine," I told him as I changed it to "Triple X." In that scene a whole row of motorcycles blew up. Before I could stop him, Trowa had taken the remote again and changed it to "Sleepy Hallow." After watching five minutes of it, I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried to take the remote but Trowa hid it behind him. There was only one thing I could do. I tackled him to the ground and we started our own special wrestling match on the floor.  
  
"Your shows are dull!" I yelled at Trowa.  
  
"You watch too many things blow up! If you want to see that just take your Gundam out for a ride!" he yelled back. We kept trying to punch/roll on each other. He got me in some fancy judo pose while he used his elbow to gracefully jab me into my right eye. Somehow I managed to get out of that pose as I knocked him on his back, hard. I then commenced to choke him and bang his head on the floor at the same time. It was then that I looked at where the remote was. Trowa followed my gaze.  
  
We looked at the remote, then at each other. Then, at the same time, we both made a grab for the remote and started a tug-o-war.  
  
"Mine!" I shouted at him.  
  
"Mine! I had it first!" he shouted back.  
  
"It's mine dammit!" At that instant the remote suddenly disappeared from both our hands. Quatre had it.  
  
"Ok, if you two can't decide then I will! You will both watch this and that is final!" Trowa and I both sat on our respected couches as Quatre changed the channel to "Legally Blond 2." I inwardly groaned. This was the gayest movie I have ever seen. The actors can't act and their jokes were worse than our science teacher's. (A/N: Sorry If this offends you but I saw LB2 and I HATED it and I don't think Heero is into that stuff either. But I did like the other movies I mentioned/ will mention!)  
  
Quatre put the remote on the coffee table and left me and Trowa to suffer through the worst movie possible.  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Can I change the channel?"  
  
"Would you? I think I'd rather go shopping with Catherine." I picked up the remote and changed it through numerous channel. No. No. Hell NO. Gay. Double Gay. Even gayer. Fucked Up. Screwed up. Blah. Stupid. Reminds me of Duo. More Duo. Wait –  
  
"Stop." Trowa told me. I did. We started watching "The Pirates of the Caribbean." I put the remote on the coffee table. I actually like this movie – and that says a lot since I rarely watch a movie that does not include cars being blown up...  
  
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After watching TV, I decide to go to the third floor to perfect my fighting technique. As soon as I walk into the door, Wufei almost chops my head off with his sword.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I thought you were Maxwell." He tell me before he shrugs and continues his sword exercises. I then realize that I have the worst luck with doors. Every time I go through one I always need to fear for my life. I look at the choice weapons I can practice with: katanas, scythes, daggers, dirks, kodachis, fencing swords, irons balls with spikes on them, chains with spikes on them – and there was always weight training. Unfortunately, we could not practice with guns since the bullets would probably be heard and then we would be reported to the police and arrested. I decided to spar with Wufei.  
  
"Hey Wufei, how would you like to spar?" I asked. Wufei stopped practicing to look at me, then he grinned and said, "Sure, choose your weapon – remember, no guns." I smirked back and looked over the collection of swords. I chose a katana I had personally brought from Japan as a souvenir. Wufei and I went on opposite side of the room. We bowed our heads to each other.  
  
Wufei attacked first. I parried his blow – which earned me a cut to my lower leg. I backed away a couple of steps before attacking him again. I tried to slash at his middle, but he flipped back onto the wall with the grace of a cat before hitting me full force. I managed to block most of the attack, but his sword slipped from mine and I got another cut – except this time on my upper arm. An enormous gush that would later need treating. I thought of Quatre and his peroxide and shuddered.  
  
Unfortunately, I forgot that you weren't supposed to think anything other than strategies in a fight. That earned me another slash that cut across some of my lower back.  
  
"Hn, come on Yuy! You can do better than THAT! You're supposed to be the PERFECT soldier – remember?!" I growled as Wufei continued to taunt me. I finally made a double slash on him – right across the chest in an 'X' shape. I smirked as Wufei jumped back and growled at me.  
  
"Took you long enough Yuy!" Wufei flew forward at me at full force. I blocked his sword with mine but I still ended up being slammed into the wall. I guess this padding is pretty cheap....  
  
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After my "friendly" sparring session with Wufei, I decided to go take a shower. I turn on the water in my bath tub and quickly touch my finger to the water to test it before I quickly pull away. It was cold. Hmm Trowa was watching TV, Wufei was still training, Duo was out bar-hopping...that means –  
  
"QUATRE!!" I yell in frustration as I realize that I won't be able to take a decent shower in at least another hour and a half. I stomp out of my room and thud down all the stairs. I plop myself on the couch. Trowa's immediate response is to cradle the remote protectively against his chest and glare at me. I sighed in defeat. HOW do I LIVE with THESE PEOPLE?!!!  
  
After watching Trowa's favorite TV shows (which seemed like hours to me), I heard the door open and in walked, no stumbled, the last person I wanted to see on Earth...  
  
Well, what do you think? I'm not TOO happy with this chapter, but I still put it up for all those people who threatened me *shudders*. 


	5. Drunken Pilot

Author's Note: This chapter is a result of too much coffee.  
GOT COFFEE??!! ONE MORE THING! Pease do not tell me in you reviews that "Duo was out of character." Why not? Because Duo is drunk in this chapter!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but almost all of the Gundam Wing DVDs and a few Gundams which I have assembled as well as a few comics and some pictures. Don't sue me or I'll sic a really pissed Heero on you. ^_^  
  
Chapter 5: Drunken Pilot  
  
I groaned. Ok so the TV shows Trowa watched weren't exactly 'exciting' but they were better than Duo. MUCH better than Duo. Duo stumbled inside and began making his way toward us.  
  
"LUCY I'M HOME!!! Tower and Hroee!! NO wait that's not right – Teero and Hrowa!!" Duo shouted ecstatically at me and Trowa. Trowa raised an eyebrow as Duo continued his rattling...  
  
"Did you miss me??? I'm sure ya all did!! Well do ya wanna know where I was?" Duo asked ecstatically. Trowa continued to stare at Duo while I groaned again.  
  
"Well, first I wondered into never-never land by using the magic mirror that the ultimate bunny princess gave me. She told me that I had to swim in a river full of hamsters in order to get to the magic ketchup. Well it tuned out that the magic ketchup wasn't magical at all and that I had to get to the magic meatballs. So then I swam in an ocean full of green tea until I came upon the magic meatballs. When I ate them, they gave me the power of 10 dwarfs so then I was able to hop like the monkeys of Shangralah and then I came back here!!" Duo grinned like the idiot he always was as he finished his tale.  
  
Trowa chuckled and I stared at him – Trowa...laughed...for the second time today. Now I was really scared....  
  
"Does any of ye pirates have any of that ultimate banana-salmon-milk-cocoa puffs-fruity-cinnamon-pizza-anchovy-chocolate pudding??" Duo asked us with puppy eyes. As soon as I heard 'cocoa puffs,' I was ready to kill Duo – no one touched my Cocoa Puffs. I looked at Trowa who shook his head and continued to try to smother his laughter. Duo looked sadly at the ground and then rushed into the kitchen with sudden found happiness.  
  
"I completely forgot that we had curry flavored ice cream!" He screeched as he rummaged in our never ending freezer. He pulled out chocolate ice cream – which he thought was curry flavored ice cream. Trowa continued to watch TV – occasionally smothering laughter while I continued to glare at Duo. As soon as that baka tries to even TOUCH my cococa puffs, then I'll –  
  
"Hello everyone!" Quatre happily said as he came down the stairs in a bathrobe with slippers and a towel around his shoulders that he was using to dry his wet hair. "If any of you every have any stress problems, I suggest that you take a Turkish bath! They always relax me!!" Quatre informed us.  
  
A Turkish bath? No wonder there was no hot water left...As I continued to curse my bad luck with showers – Duo stopped gorging himself and ran to Quatre and hugged him enthusiastically.  
  
"I missed you sooooo much! Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was??!!" Duo told Quatre as he continued to squeeze the life out of him. Quatre was turning quite purple until Duo decided to stop hugging him. Duo them pinched both of Quatre's cheeks. (A/N: Don't you just hate it when old people ALWAYS do this to you???)  
  
"My, Quatre! Look at what a BIG BOY you are!!" Duo said as he continued to pinch Quatre's cheeks. Quatre was now turning back to pink. Quatre is too nice – if Duo EVER pinched MY cheeks, then I would have shot him on the spot. Duo finally stopped pinching Quatre and rushed off to the kitchen and continued showing all the food he could find into his mouth at 100mph.  
  
"Trowa? Heero? Is he, well, you know, drunk again?" Quatre asked us as he continued to massage his cheeks. Trowa nodded and then tried to suppress another laugh by coughing.  
  
"Either that or he finally went insane. 'Bout time. This gives us an excuse to get rid of him. Should we call the police or the mental institution?" I asked Quatre.  
  
"Heero! That's a horrible thing to say! Duo may be drunk but he is your- our- fellow pilot! We need to all get along!" Quatre told me in his pacifistic fashion. I smirked. I knew THAT was coming.  
  
I heard the stairs creak as someone was coming down. Wufei. He was wearing his usual Chinese outfit except that he also had a towel around his shoulders which – like Quatre- he was using to dry his hair with. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and told us that he was going outside to put more gas in his motorcycle. I inwardly shuddered. After I had finished my mission, I returned to my "borrowed" motorcycle. Unfortunately, some punks had already gotten there before I did. The motorcycle was totally trashed. The graffiti the punks had left on it was irremovable. I know, I tried to remove it. Luckily, the motorcycle itself was fine, so I could still ride it back home. Although it was missing a hub-cap. I almost felt sorry for Duo. Almost.  
  
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A yell is heard that had enough magnitude to send vibrations to China. I wince. Wufei had seen his precious motorcycle covered with graffiti and is probably gonna murder Duo.  
  
"EARTHQUAKE!!!! SAVE THE SPINACH PUDDING!!!" Duo announces as he falls to the ground flat on his face.  
  
"Oh, my...I wonder what's wrong with Wufei..." Quatre trails off. I try to look at the other direction from the door. Trowa glares at me. I try to look innocent but he continues to glare at me. I start to squirm in my seat. Somehow he always knows that some of the things Duo is blamed for are actually caused by me. As Trowa continues to give me the "death glare," Wufei rushes into the house with the rage of a tiger.  
  
"MAXWELL!!! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY MOTOCYCLE!!!" Wufei yells at Duo. Duo looks up from his place on the floor and quickly jumps to his feet.  
  
"AHHHH!!! RUN!! HADES HAS RISEN!!!" Duo yells as he runs out the back door with Wufei hot on his heels. Quatre has a worried expression on his face .  
  
"Guys, I really think we should help Duo..." Quatre starts. I continue to squirm in my seat as Trowa glares what is probably by now a thousand daggers into me...  
  
After Duo and Wufei had run off I had sat in my seat until I just couldn't take any more of Trowa's glares – they really were unnerving. I had then taken my gun and gone out into the streets of Stockholm in order to search for the drunk braided pilot and the enraged chinaman. This was going to be one loooong night...  
  
All I had to do was stand in front of my house for one minute and I could hear Wufei and Duo yelling and screaming not more than fifty yards away from me. I sighed as I tried to chase the sounds they made – which weren't very hard considering the fact that Stockholm was as silent as a tomb at night and their yells were practically maginified. As I continued running in the direction of the sound – someone crashed into me from behind. That as the third time someone has crashed into me today. As I got up I saw the baka.  
  
"ROMEO!! You have come to save Rupunzel!!" Duo yelled at me as he hugged me. I scowled as I got up and Duo got up too.  
  
"Oh no! The evil Black Dragon is upon us!! We must haste to make chaste before we are erased!" Duo told me as he grabbed my arm and started to drag me in the opposite direction of where Wufei was coming from. I tried to wrench my arm out of Duo's grasp – but it was surprisingly like iron. Duo then dragged me into some dark small alley while Wufei ran past us.  
  
"Phew! That was close! To think that the evil dragon could have chased the snowman down to the water well and eaten all the green seaweed!!" Duo told me with an extremely happy expression on his face. I smacked my forehead with the palm of my right hand. Yup, this was definitely going to be one hell of a night...  
  
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Five minutes later me and Duo were running in the streets of Stockholm again. Wufei had seen us as soon as Duo had jumped out of the alley way and had done his "rain dance" - or so he called it. Duo ran up to a ladder that lead to the top of one of the buildings.  
  
"We must climb the rainbow to Valhalla!!" Duo yelled to me as he started to climb. I looked behind me and saw an enraged and red-faced Wufei and then looked back at the ladder. I decided to take my chances. I started to climb the ladder after Duo and when we got to the top Duo started to run around in circles.  
  
"COFFEE!! COFFEE!! COFFEE!!" Duo continued to yell as he ran around in circles. My head was getting dizzy so I tried to grab Duo by something – anything. I accidentally grabbed his braid.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH MILK-MUFFIN!!!" Duo yelled at me as he yanked his braid back and started to pet it protectively.  
  
"It's ok Milk-Muffin, no one's gonna hurt you. Shhhh." Duo kept trying to "calm down" his braid. Like I said – he's insane. I hear someone climbing up the ladder. Wufei. I quickly grabbed Duo and ran to the edge of the building.  
  
"I'm Superman!!!! Duo yelled as he spread his arms wide – totally forgetting about "Milk-Muffin." He tried to jump off, but I quickly grabbed him and slung him over my shoulder. I looked behind me and saw Wufei charging at me. I quickly jumped off the ledge onto the building below the one I was on.  
  
"Wheee!!!" Duo yelled as I continued to run toward the end of one building, jump off to the next and then continue to run to the other side of the building I was on – with Wufei always hot on my heels.  
  
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By jumping like this for about ten minutes, I somehow by odd chance managed to jump on our roof. I then opened the hatch on our roof and climbed down it. I locked the hatch after me to make sure that Wufei would not be able to follow me. All the way down the stairs Duo decided to delight me by singing "My Heart Will Go On." Like I said this morning – Duo's singing is one hell of a damnable sound.  
  
I started down the stairs with Duo still hanging off my shoulder singing his head off like a madman.  
  
"Here, you asked me to get him and now YOU can watch him." I told Trowa as I dumped Duo into his lap. Duo looked at Trowa and Trowa looked at Duo. Duo then curled up like a cat and started purring in Trowa's lap. I threw my hands up in defeat. Taking care of Duo was utterly impossible. At this moment Wufei decided to burst into the house – nearly taking the door off of its hinges.  
  
Being the pacifist he is, Quatre jumps in front of Wufei. "Now, now Wufei!! Let's not be violent!!"  
  
"That imbecile ruined my very expensive imported Chinese motorcycle!!" Wufei yelled as Quatre tried to desperately keep Wufei away from Duo.  
  
"Trowa? A little help, please?" Quatre asked Trowa with huge desperate eyes. Trowa sighed and got up as Duo landed on the floor with a large 'thud'.  
  
"Wufei, how about this: Quatre pays you for another Chinese imported motorcycle?" Trowa calmly asked Wufei. Wufei knotted his eyebrows together in thought. He finally sighed and nodded.  
  
"Ok, then how about you two go upstairs and surf the net for a suitable motorcycle?" Trowa suggested. Wufei nodded his head again and started to go upstairs as Quatre sighed in relief and followed Wufei upstairs to his room. Trowa then turned back to me and his eyebrows slightly went up.  
  
"Heero, where's Duo??" Trowa asked me while he started to skim the room. I was confused so I started to look around for the braided moron. After what seemed like hours of searching for him we finally found him trying to 'slither' to the fridge. Trowa and I decided to leave him alone as we continued to watch more of TV.  
  
After an hour of searching on the internet, Wufei had finally decided on a perfect and 'strong' motorcycle that cost Quatre ¥500,000 – pocket change for Quatre and his multi-zillion Winner Empire. About this time they came down and started watching TV with us. After a debate between watching Friends, Drunken Master, Iron Monkey and The Matrix – we all finally decided on The Matrix (through peaceful negotiations of course – Quatre insisted.)  
  
That was when we heard someone sliding down the stairs, followed by a large 'thump'. We all turned around to look at Duo, who was trying to get up using the stairs banisters. After a few seconds he finally succeeded in getting on his feet – for the time being.  
  
"Duo, where are you going?" Quatre politely asked as if Duo was sober and would care if Quatre was rude or not. By then Duo had the door already open so he then drunkenly turned around as he answered us.  
  
"I'm taking over Hades – DUH!!" Duo told us as he strolled out the door and down the streets singing "The Lifestyles of The Rich and The Famous." Trowa, Quatre and Wufei then turned around to look at me. I groaned, grumbled, scowled and then got up, grabbed my gun, my tranquilizer shot-gun and my coat and went out the door after Duo.  
  
Ok, I actually LIKED this chapter and I thought it was pretty funny when I re-read it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^_^ 


	6. Milk Muffin's Counterattack

Author's Note: Anyone have chocolate cocoa? I've decided to leave the coffee alone...Oh, yeah and when you see the (1) that means there is a foot- note a the bottom of my fic.  
  
ONE MORE THING! Pease do not tell me in you reviews that "Duo was out of character." Why not? Because Duo is drunk in this chapter as well!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: GUNDAM WIN IS MINE!!! ALL MINE!! In my dreams anyway...I know, I know I DON'T own Gundam Wing *sigh* but I don't need you evil lawyers to rub it in...  
  
Chapter 6: Milk Muffin's Counterattack  
  
Have you ever had nightmares that you really wished you could wake up from? Well, I have those too – it's called my life. Once Quatre asked me why I like working alone – after looking at what a typical day for me is...well...I think you get the idea.  
  
So here I was, walking down the quiet streets of Stockholm with two guns, hunting down a drunken maniac. I didn't have to go very far to hear the same pathetic singing I have grown accustomed to...  
  
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I found Duo quickly enough, he was ATTEMPTING to make a snow-angel – except he was on his stomach and his arms were just flailing about. I had grabbed his braid and hauled him up as he started to flail his arms around and cry out, "Leave milk-muffin alone!" I merely arched an eyebrow as Duo continued to "cuddle" his braid and whisper incoherent things to it. Even though it was hard for me to get Duo back to a more-or-less calm status, it was the dragging him back to our house that exhausted me the most.  
  
At this point he started babbling about rubbish that no normal human being could comprehend. Unlike last time, he found it funny to hit me on the head and yell "goose" whenever I told him to shut the hell up. I was going to shoot him but then the scary image of Quatre going insane (A/N: Episode 21, "Grief Stricken Quatre". The one where he starts laughing like a maniac and his eyes go all weird and wild-looking. O_o) flashed inside my head. I shook the idea out of my head as I continued to drag/carry Duo back to our house. Unfortunately, more times than once, Duo decided to either run off or he would hurl into the nearest bushes. He's gonna have one hell of a hangover in the morning...  
  
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When I got back, everything was pretty much the same. Wufei and Trowa were fighting over the TV shows while Quatre was between them trying to keep the peace – and trying to keep them from each other's throats. Luckily, Quatre was the only Gundam Pilot that none of us would ever hit: Trowa doesn't really hit anybody, he just glares them to death. Wufei smacks Duo once in a while and comes pretty close to killing me and Trowa. Duo can't really hit anybody because usually he's too busy fighting off me and Wufei. And me? I'll punch Duo once in a while or spar with Wufei – no ones messes with clown boy, his kicks really hurt.  
  
"I'M BACK!!" I yell to them – in this house you need to yell to be heard. Trowa and Wufei may LOOK quiet, but when you annoy them – they can get pretty nasty with words - and pretty loud, too. Trowa and Wufei stop bickering for a moment.  
  
"That's nice," they tell me before going back to yelling at each other. I sigh and decide to interrupt their 'thrilling' conversation again.  
  
"WHERE THE HELL DO I PUT THE MORON?" I ask both of them. Trowa and Wufei sigh, realizing that I'll probably interrupt them until I've had all my questions answered. Trowa looks at Duo for a while, who was at that moment pounding me on the back and yelling "lemme go!" over and over again while his legs kept going up and down.  
  
"Tie him up," He tells me with a shrug of his shoulders.  
  
"With WHAT?" I ask him – we don't have any rope...do we??  
  
"We have the my-mission-failed-need-to-escape rope in the closet to the left of the bathroom," Trowa tells me with another shrug. That's new – we have rope in our towel closet – what's next? grenades in our underwear drawers? Wait, I do have grenades in my underwear drawer...  
  
"And THEN what?" I ask him again – still thinking about the grenades in my underwear drawer.  
  
"Tie him to the futon, a chair, ANYTHING!" Wufei tells me in annoyance. He starts to smirk. "Or better yet – tie him outside to the light post. That way we don't need to worry about all his singing or other sounds he chooses to make.  
  
"Wufei! That would be inhumane!!" Quatre interjects.  
  
"Wufei is right; we need to tie up Duo or he'll run off again." Trowa says with an agreeing nod.  
  
"Alright, tie him somewhere upstairs in his room – but not TOO TIGHT." Quatre finally gives in. I nod and start to walk up the stairs while Duo keeps on pounding me on the back. Wufei and Trowa go back to their fighting while Quatre swallows five more Tylenol and continues to act as the peace- maker.  
  
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By the time I got upstairs, Duo had suddenly quieted down. I really did not want to know why – nor did I care as long as he didn't move around while I tied him up. I threw him in his hammock and commenced tying him to it. All the while Duo was looking at me with big blue eyes wondering what I was doing. When I had finished tying Duo to his hammock, he looked like a big cocoon with only his face and his braid showing (everything else was rope) – this was definitely a Kodak moment – damn! Where did I put that damn camera?!' Come to think of it, he also looked like one of those Chinese eggrolls that Wufei seemed to be so fond of...  
  
"Duo, no like!!! Duo no like!!!" Duo told me as he tried to move around and only succeeded in swing himself to and fro. His braid kept swishing back and forth as the eggroll – I mean Duo – tried to escape. Eventually his stupid braid smacked me in the face, leaving an enormous red mark across my face. I growled at Duo, but then I realized he's probably not paying attention to me anyway.  
  
"Well, you're going to like it!" I told Duo as I smirked and went on my way, closing his door on my way out.  
  
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I t had been some hours since I had left Duo up there on the hammock and I was beginning to enjoy the quietness, since Wufei and Trowa had finally decided on watching Wandering Samurai (A/N: Wandering Samurai = Rurouni Kenshin, ^_^).  
  
"Don't you think we should check on him??" Quatre asked us. Wufei grunted, Trowa shrugged and I said "no." One minute passed.  
  
"Guys, I think we really should...he may have run off again or something..."Quatre began again.  
  
"There is NO way that he could have gotten out of those ropes." I tell Quatre with a frown. Wufei shook his head.  
  
"Quatre may be right, you can never underestimate the powers of a drunken pilot." Wufei said with sarcasm.  
  
"No, Wufei, I'm serious!!" Quatre said, now starting to frown.  
  
"Fine, Heero go upstairs and check on Duo so that Quatre can watch TV peacefully." Trowa told me.  
  
"Why do I have to??!! I'm tired of looking after that punk!" I tell Trowa.  
  
"Because YOU tied him up so it's YOUR responsibility if he got away." Trowa told me calmly as glared at me again. I rolled my eyes to look at the ceiling – why me? I groaned and got up from my comfortable spot on the couch. I stomped up the stairs and opened the door to Duo's room.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL!!" I yelled in my surprise. The ropes used to tie Duo were in the hammock with Duo nowhere to be seen. I groaned for about the fifth time today as I went to the banisters.  
  
"Duo's gone. He somehow escaped...again." I yell down to the others. From my spot on the banisters I can see the others looking at each other.  
  
"Alright, let's split up and search all the parts of the house. If necessary then we'll meet up again and decide how to search for him outside on the streets." Quatre orders us. Wufei sighs, Trowa nods and I – have you guessed it? – I groan...again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Duo's "search party" had lasted for over an hour. Last time he hid from us, he hid in all the places we already searched: on top of the fridge, the towel closet, in the fridge, under the bathroom sink, by the fridge, and under his bed – where else COULD he be?? We even searched under our beds and in our closets. Wait. No one had searched HIS closet. With my new found knowledge I walked up the stairs again toward his closet. I opened it and sure enough I found him in there. His hands were holding his head as if he were trying to hide from something other than us.  
  
"Duo...?" I start to ask. He looked at me with big, shiny, scared purple eyes.  
  
"Heero...I see dead people...." He tells me in a whisper. That's it – I'm NEVER letting Duo watch anymore horror movies – and "Sixth Sense" is DEFINETLY off the list. (A/N: In "The Sixth Sense" there is a little boy that whispers "I see dead people" and now that's a pretty popular quote. ^_^) I haul up Duo by his braid and then drag him toward the others.  
  
"I found the idiot hiding in his closet and apparently he sees dead people." I tell the others. Trowa coughs (trying to cover up his laugh again), Wufei rolls his eyes and Quatre looks worried.  
  
"I'm seriously starting to think that letting Duo watch horror movies is not such a good idea..." Quatre starts to say – which isn't surprising since Quatre refuses to ever watch one with the rest of us (actually, he's never seen a horror movie in his life.)  
  
"No shit, Quatre" I tell him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Since leaving Duo in a room by himself – even if he's tied up – isn't such a good idea, we all decided to let him sit with us while we watched TV. All of a sudden Duo sees a cow and decides to indulge us by trying to imitate it.  
  
"Duo, be quiet." Wufei tells Duo.  
  
"Moo." Duo answered.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Moo???"  
  
"I said 'SHUT UP'!"  
  
"Moo!"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
MOOOO!!!Moo-Cow!! Moo-Moo-Cow!! MOOMOOO!!!" Duo yells back at Wufei in Cowish. At this point Wufei is out of patience and decides to smack Duo over the head. Duo smacks him back.  
  
"Violence is fun!!" Duo says as he hiccups again. At this point Wufei is starting to turn red with rage.  
  
"Now, now..." Quatre begins. Duo sees Wufei turn red and gasps.  
  
"No, no! You must not turn red for the enraged leprechaun will come after to claim your rain droplets before he makes you into a bench warmer!! The eggs must not tarnish the birds in the sky or Mr. Omelet shall come down and turn all the frogs into hamsters that will then invade the Earth with vast shrubbery bushes!!!" Duo says this with urgency as he starts to flail his arms around like a headless chicken.  
  
"And exactly how does this happen, Duo." Trowa asks with a smirk. Duo frowns and then says.  
  
"The density of a donut is measured by a² + b² = c², which in turn makes the world go 'round!" Duo answers Trowa with the utmost seriousness while Wufei is getting madder by the second.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Wufei yells at Duo, who runs behind the couch in his attempt to hide from Wufei. Wufei sighs again and continues to watch TV. About five minutes later, Duo goes upstairs.  
  
"Duo, where are going?" Quatre asks Duo.  
  
"I am blond, so I don't think of the effects of the jolly green blueberry man." Duo says before he crawls up the stairs – since he is unable to stand up. A few minutes later, Duo comes back with....post-it notes????? Duo starts putting post-it notes on everything – tables, chairs, remote control, the couch, Quarter's cheeks, Trowa's bangs, about five on Wufei's head and one on my shoulder.  
  
"Duo what the HELL are you doing?" I ask Duo as I start to peel off the post-it note on my shoulder.  
  
"The life of a goldfish is filled with post-it notes!! (1)" Duo says as he continues to cover everything with post-it notes.  
  
"You truly ARE insane." Wufei says as he shakes his head. Duo turns around to Wufei.  
  
"I do not suffer from insanity – I enjoy every minute of it!!" Duo says with his trademarked baka-smile as he continues to cover everything in post- it notes.  
  
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Ding-Dong.  
  
Silence.  
  
DING-DONG  
  
"Will someone please answer that?" Quatre politely asks us. More silence. Quatre sighs and starts to get up; I follow him because I'm curious as to who could possibly visit us at night. Duo, on the other hand, has stopped putting his post-it notes on everything and follows us to the door as Wufei and Trowa watch from their respectable couches, (since they have a good view of the door from the angle that they're sitting at). We open the door and –  
  
"Heero! I wanted to see you!" exclaimed Relena as she came through our doorway. Now I'm definitely getting the feeling that she's stalking me...  
  
"I'm pleased to see you, Miss Relena. But what are you doing here at this time of night?" Quatre politely asks. At this point, I'm starting to squirm – how could a mere civilian be able to effortlessly track down me, the renowned and feared pilot of the Wing Gundam?! How?! Luckily, before Relena says another word to me, Duo interjects.  
  
"Hug the purrty lady!!" Duo says as he enthusiastically jumps from behind me an starts to hug Relena to death. Trowa coughs a few time (still trying to his laugh), Wufei starts to chuckle, I smirk and Quatre just plain looks uncomfortable about the whole situation.  
  
"Duo...I don't think that you should be doing that...I mean..." Quatre nervously laughs.  
  
"But Duo LOVES purrrty ladies!!" Duo says as he keeps hugging Relena and swinging her back and forth as he does so. Relena starts to look sick. Duo finally lets go of Relena as she stumbles backward.  
  
"Uhh..." Relena groans, "Prehaps this isn't the best time to visit you, Heero..." Relena says as she starts to stumble back to her trademarked pink limo.  
  
"Umm...Good evening, Miss Relena!! It was nice to see you!" Quatre nervously yells after Relena as she attempts to get into her pink limo. As soon as she drives off, Quatre shuts the door.  
  
"Quatre, you're right. Perhaps Duo is useful after all!! I think I'll wait a few years before I give him to the mental institution!" I tell Quatre as I realize that Duo is EXTREMELY useful in using as a Relena-repellant.  
  
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I sigh as I finally get to watch TV in complete silence. After the "Relena-incident" Quatre just shook his head as he realize it was pointless in trying to control Duo to act like a gentleman. Wufei and Trowa immediately broke out in laughter after Relena left and I actually joined them. And now all four of us were sitting on our respectable couches and watching TV in beautiful blissful silence...  
  
CLINK  
  
CRASH  
  
We all simultaneously turn our heads toward the noise. At the moment Duo was rummaging through our pantry closet – apparently looking for something with utmost vigor.  
  
"WHERE'S THE RUM GONE?!" Duo yelled as he continued to toss bottles and boxes of random thing over his shoulder.  
  
"Umm...Duo? You drank it all last time..." Quatre answered him. Immediately, Duo stopped throwing stuff as he turned around to face Quatre.  
  
"You...got...rid...of...the...rum...?" Duo started to ask Quatre.  
  
"Well, no...You – "Quatre tried to explain to Duo until he was cut off.  
  
"Why, Quatre? WHY?! WHY IS THE RUM GONE!!!" Duo said as he fell on his knees in utmost defeat.  
  
"Duo...?" Quatre asked. Duo looked at Quatre as he answered.  
  
"Let the bodies hit the floor..." THUMP "Well, we're never going to let him listen to BLANK again..." Wufei said as the rest of us sighed. Exactly how long did it take a very drunk someone to become sober again??  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
DONG  
  
DONG  
  
The grandfather clock stuck midnight. It was time to put Cinderella – aka Duo – to bed. After many minutes of debate we finally decided that we should give him a sleeping shot. Meanwhile, Duo was busy telling Quatre all about the "flying-pizza-monkeys who wanted to play basketball but only succeeded in learning the chemistry of Trigonometry and decided to die by mummifying the chocolate-milk-shake" – or something like that.  
  
Wufei went to Duo's left side while Trowa went to Duo's right side and I got the sleeping shots ready. Simultaneously, they all grabbed Duo in a strong hold. Meanwhile, Duo was kicking and screaming that we must let him go because "he is a strong wizard in the form of an orange and that if we did not let him go he would turn us into rum and drink us."  
  
"Ok, I think we more or less have him under control." Trowa told me as he was almost kicked in the face by Duo.  
  
"Quickly, Heero! Make the injection!" Wufei yelled at me. I took the syringe needle and went from behind Duo to avoid being kicked. I grabbed his left arm as Wufei helped hold it steady for me. I then gave Duo the shot. After a few seconds he finallt stopped kicking.  
  
"Must...stop...the evil cucumbers...from...becoming cows and killing all the kittens..." Duo futilely tried to say as he fell asleep. We all sighed and relaxed.  
  
"STOP THE RUBBER DUCKIES FROM INVADING POLAND!!!" Duo screamed suddenly before becoming quiet again an falling into a very deep sleep. Wufei slug Duo over his shoulder and carried him upstairs to his room. Trowa started to clean up all the post-it notes that Duo had left all over our living room, while Quatre and I went to clean up all the bottles and boxes that he threw all over the kitchen floor.  
  
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After everything was cleaned up, the rest of us decided to throw in the towel and go to sleep. I finally entered my room and I tell you – I could never have been happier to see my beloved bed as I was at that moment. I didn't shower, brush my teeth, or even change my clothes. I just fell on the bed and with my head buried into the pillow, I made a visit to dream-land.  
  
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RING-RING  
  
"...what the...?" I asked as I rolled over. No – It can't be!! I looked on the nightstand...and sure enough...the damnable alarm clock I "thought" I had destroyed was perfectly in one piece sitting innocently on my nightstand and ringing its fucking head off. It was sort of like the evil-immortal- machine-that-would-never-die sort of thing. I heard a maniacal laughter coming from Duo's room as I realized that it was yet AGAIN time to start a new day...  
  
~~~~~~OWARI ~~~~~~  
*Ahem* That Means "The End" In Japanese.  
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
Well, I hope that you enjoyed that chapter!! I actually like it a lot because I thought it was funny!! Wow, when I wrote the outline for this – I never actually thought I'd finish it!! ^_~ This is my first GW fanfic that I wrote and finished!! (Not counting the one my computer deleted a long time ago...)  
  
(1): This is actually a quote that my best friend came up for my short-term memory!! ^_^ Yup, I'm a goldfish!! ^_^ Wait...why am I writing this??  
  
NOTE: If you really like this fic and would like me to write a sequel to it, then drop me a line at Shinigami_Takegami@yahoo.com. Other than that – this fic is finished! Fini! Zdelena! You cannot have any more chapters to this fic in this life! Any other chapter to this fic has broken on through to the other side! ^_^  
  
Author's Final Note: You reviewers are great!!! I really appreciate people who take time to read and write a review for my fic(s)!! Thank you guys a lot!! ^_^ 


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